Not For Death….

Not For Death

When it’s dark inside my world
I take a blade or a little pill
I calm the screaming thoughts in my mind
With a little blood and some sleeping time
Not for a death wish do I bleed
Only to feel something, to feel relief
Not for death do I drown into sleep
Only quiet my mind, not to dream
You see my scars, not pretty I know
I wish they did not cause you to look at me so
I am not begging for death or crying out for help
I am only finding ways to cope with myself
Please understand and do not five me grief
when you see the red lines that sometimes mark me
This comes and it goes like the sun and the rain
It does not hurt and there is no one to blame
So love me in spite of my little quirks
And I promise to be with you until the end of the Earth
Support me, don’t judge me and I will be forever yours
And I promise to never purposefully leave you alone in this world.

©08.07.05
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved

 

Ice Chamber

::Ice Chamber::

Dark is the chamber she finds herself in
No lights
No candles
No glints from within
Shadowed his world
Cloaked in a dense fog
She looks for a doorway in these ice slick walls
A passage
A key
Some place to start
She tries to find the emotions he hides in the dark
The light that he gave her is starting to dim
Alas, she has failed him time and again
He holds onto her heart as he pushes her away
And searching in his darkness she is determined to stay
The future is theirs
She knows this to be true
And when she gets past his defense
he will know this too.

©08.16.05
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved

Drown It

::Drown It::

Seeps into my soul
Eats my self control
Drink to drown it out
Demons scream and shout
Cant run away from this
Feelings never missed
Don’t wanna feel this way
Demons come to play
Cant control my mind
Thought that I was fine
Lost my self control
Drink to save my soul

©05.14.05
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved

enough anger to breach a 6 year writers block

I’m Undone

Black is the look I see in your eyes
I turn my face so you don’t see me cry
Anger unleashed burning my face
My ears bleed at the words you say
After this eruption
What do I have left
A flow of venom
To scar my breast.

©01.02.07
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved