Insomnia

Insomnia

Wicked headache
Bitter cold room
Razor-blade breath
Disembodied footsteps
Above my head
Pillows on the floor
Blankets askew
Rocking, rocking
Sleep unattainable.

B.J.H. November 2013

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November PTSD

November PTSD

I have to admit it is a bleak evening
My brain is fuzzy
As well as my hands.
Clyde and cotton candy
Keep breaking into my thoughts
It was bound to happen
The November nightmares
And arctic winters
Of the past two years
Are Clyde’s creation
A natural PTSD
Haunting.

B.J.H. November 2013

Not For Death….

Not For Death

When it’s dark inside my world
I take a blade or a little pill
I calm the screaming thoughts in my mind
With a little blood and some sleeping time
Not for a death wish do I bleed
Only to feel something, to feel relief
Not for death do I drown into sleep
Only quiet my mind, not to dream
You see my scars, not pretty I know
I wish they did not cause you to look at me so
I am not begging for death or crying out for help
I am only finding ways to cope with myself
Please understand and do not five me grief
when you see the red lines that sometimes mark me
This comes and it goes like the sun and the rain
It does not hurt and there is no one to blame
So love me in spite of my little quirks
And I promise to be with you until the end of the Earth
Support me, don’t judge me and I will be forever yours
And I promise to never purposefully leave you alone in this world.

©08.07.05
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved

 

Drown It

::Drown It::

Seeps into my soul
Eats my self control
Drink to drown it out
Demons scream and shout
Cant run away from this
Feelings never missed
Don’t wanna feel this way
Demons come to play
Cant control my mind
Thought that I was fine
Lost my self control
Drink to save my soul

©05.14.05
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved

Courting Melancholia

I have been watching my small patch of sky for hours
Steel gray clouds enshroud this cold September morning
And I, A sleepless poet
Mourn the brilliant stars that shared Cancer’s waning moon
only hours ago.
Melancholia has been courting of late,
An old lover I had left years ago,
I have refused his advances
But Winter is coming and my Ocean is so far away.

B.J.H.

09/29/2013