The Strongest Person You Know….

She is the strongest person you know

She handles lifes difficulty with ease or so it seems.  Do you know what happens behind the scenes?

The doubt, the fear, the need ,the neglect. (She hasn’t showered in a week)

Her whole being is wrapped up in a beautiful blue eyed package. (Who always cries and never sleeps)

Her Autistic child, her life blood, her  offspring, her joy, her prison. Her legacy!

His milestones are brilliant to her,( he spoke again, he repeated, he copied,), mundane to the masses (he parrots,  he copies, no words are his), life shaking, heart breaking (he said Mommy is beautiful), leaps and bounds ahead of his disabled peers. (He doesn’t understand I love you)

Yet here she is, in tears, wanting, waiting, missing the life she had beyond the life her third child brought her into.

She blames herself, shames herself, berates herself for his affliction.

Fights for him, cries for him, is an advocate for his condition.

She has given up her friends, her job, her connections only to be his everything.

She is the strongest person you know. The mom who gives up herself for the advancement of her child.

This woman had goals, and dreams,  and a story; but gave it all up for her blue eyed boy.

 

 

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When Half of You Is Gone

I knew you reached your destination
When I couldn’t breathe,
My chest tight and fighting me
Sharp, jagged, painful.
You would only be gone five days
Only a few hours away
This was not supposed to affect me so deeply
Bother Me,
Unnerve me,
Stop me from breathing
So I continue to work
Smiling,
Talking,
Laughing,
Then I pause to take a break
Tears start falling
Unwanted, unasked for
I am unable to stop them
Hide them,
Hold them in.
You will only be gone five days
Only a few hours away
This is not supposed to affect me so deeply
But it does
And it has only been four hours.

B.J.H.
06-21-1014

Sleepy Shadows

Sleepy shadows
Take Me home
Back to the quiet of the forlorn
I will dance in midnight meadows
Alone with moonlight and my sleepy shadows
living life is much to hard
Facing reality will leave you with scars
So I will dip in darkened streams
And I will fly on dark blue wings
My sleepy shadows take me home
To the quiet world of the forlorn.

B.J.H.
02-20-2003

Hiding

A kiss
My sigh
That look
Goodbye
Not worth it
I know
Alone
You must go
Vodka
And tears
Heartbreak
It’s here
A kiss
My sigh
That look
Goodbye
No reason
No reply
Just kiss me
Goodbye
I’ll see you around
Hiding my frown

~©B .J. H. ~ 11.23.05

Courting Melancholia

I have been watching my small patch of sky for hours
Steel gray clouds enshroud this cold September morning
And I, A sleepless poet
Mourn the brilliant stars that shared Cancer’s waning moon
only hours ago.
Melancholia has been courting of late,
An old lover I had left years ago,
I have refused his advances
But Winter is coming and my Ocean is so far away.

B.J.H.

09/29/2013