Never what I wanted

My semicolon ring

Is my badge of honor

Just a tribute to multiple failures

As they say

You’re here for a reason.

BJH

01-09-+2019

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Cotton Candy and Blueberry Dreams

You can only drown it for so long

It comes back in waves

Tidal waves

Tsunamis of the past

Emotions that were banished

It comes to you in pain

The hitch of your breath

The heartbeat that hurts

The wet eyes that burn

It comes in waves

Crushing

Pounding

Drowning

Dying at the ocean

It comes to you in waves

What could have been

What should have been

What dreams were made of

Yet alone you are

With Vodka as your savior

BjH

1-09-2019

Random thoughts of lost Poets.

And maybe a bit too much to drink.

Heather

No goodbye,
Heather was final

She was a seductress
No redemption
And no goodbye

I cry, I hide, I grieve
Heather goes on
She don’t care

Oceans and stillness
Boxes of redemtion
On a Dark Moon
Cannot bring them back

My soul is broken
My heart cannot fathom this

Yet they sleep
At peace
I remain
Stone over a deep ocean

BJH
12/23/2018

The Strongest Person You Know….

She is the strongest person you know

She handles lifes difficulty with ease or so it seems.  Do you know what happens behind the scenes?

The doubt, the fear, the need ,the neglect. (She hasn’t showered in a week)

Her whole being is wrapped up in a beautiful blue eyed package. (Who always cries and never sleeps)

Her Autistic child, her life blood, her  offspring, her joy, her prison. Her legacy!

His milestones are brilliant to her,( he spoke again, he repeated, he copied,), mundane to the masses (he parrots,  he copies, no words are his), life shaking, heart breaking (he said Mommy is beautiful), leaps and bounds ahead of his disabled peers. (He doesn’t understand I love you)

Yet here she is, in tears, wanting, waiting, missing the life she had beyond the life her third child brought her into.

She blames herself, shames herself, berates herself for his affliction.

Fights for him, cries for him, is an advocate for his condition.

She has given up her friends, her job, her connections only to be his everything.

She is the strongest person you know. The mom who gives up herself for the advancement of her child.

This woman had goals, and dreams,  and a story; but gave it all up for her blue eyed boy.

 

 

When Half of You Is Gone

I knew you reached your destination
When I couldn’t breathe,
My chest tight and fighting me
Sharp, jagged, painful.
You would only be gone five days
Only a few hours away
This was not supposed to affect me so deeply
Bother Me,
Unnerve me,
Stop me from breathing
So I continue to work
Smiling,
Talking,
Laughing,
Then I pause to take a break
Tears start falling
Unwanted, unasked for
I am unable to stop them
Hide them,
Hold them in.
You will only be gone five days
Only a few hours away
This is not supposed to affect me so deeply
But it does
And it has only been four hours.

B.J.H.
06-21-1014