November PTSD

November PTSD

I have to admit it is a bleak evening
My brain is fuzzy
As well as my hands.
Clyde and cotton candy
Keep breaking into my thoughts
It was bound to happen
The November nightmares
And arctic winters
Of the past two years
Are Clyde’s creation
A natural PTSD
Haunting.

B.J.H. November 2013

Dreaming Through November ~ Really?

Really?

Here it comes
The flaw
The issue
How many days has it been?
Is this a new record?
Laughing in my head
Oh how rich I would be
If I placed bets
No One ever means it
When they say
They would never change you
Why must people spew words
That hold no meaning?
I beg to be proved wrong
It has yet to happen
And people wonder why
I am guarded…

B.J.H. November 2013

Dreaming Through November ~ Epiphany

Epiphany

You don’t realize
How deep
Past damage seeps,
Until you try to
Move on.

B.J.H. November 2013

Hiding

A kiss
My sigh
That look
Goodbye
Not worth it
I know
Alone
You must go
Vodka
And tears
Heartbreak
It’s here
A kiss
My sigh
That look
Goodbye
No reason
No reply
Just kiss me
Goodbye
I’ll see you around
Hiding my frown

~©B .J. H. ~ 11.23.05

Not For Death….

Not For Death

When it’s dark inside my world
I take a blade or a little pill
I calm the screaming thoughts in my mind
With a little blood and some sleeping time
Not for a death wish do I bleed
Only to feel something, to feel relief
Not for death do I drown into sleep
Only quiet my mind, not to dream
You see my scars, not pretty I know
I wish they did not cause you to look at me so
I am not begging for death or crying out for help
I am only finding ways to cope with myself
Please understand and do not five me grief
when you see the red lines that sometimes mark me
This comes and it goes like the sun and the rain
It does not hurt and there is no one to blame
So love me in spite of my little quirks
And I promise to be with you until the end of the Earth
Support me, don’t judge me and I will be forever yours
And I promise to never purposefully leave you alone in this world.

©08.07.05
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved