Not For Death….

Not For Death

When it’s dark inside my world
I take a blade or a little pill
I calm the screaming thoughts in my mind
With a little blood and some sleeping time
Not for a death wish do I bleed
Only to feel something, to feel relief
Not for death do I drown into sleep
Only quiet my mind, not to dream
You see my scars, not pretty I know
I wish they did not cause you to look at me so
I am not begging for death or crying out for help
I am only finding ways to cope with myself
Please understand and do not five me grief
when you see the red lines that sometimes mark me
This comes and it goes like the sun and the rain
It does not hurt and there is no one to blame
So love me in spite of my little quirks
And I promise to be with you until the end of the Earth
Support me, don’t judge me and I will be forever yours
And I promise to never purposefully leave you alone in this world.

©08.07.05
Bonnie Jean Higgins/All Rights Reserved

 

Words Within Crystal

I held a crystal ball,
Within this delicate sphere,
Colorful words swirl like mist.
A poem desperate to escape,
Strains against it’s invisible prison
A poem that I lived,
A poem that I dreamed,
The poem that I cannot write

B.J.H.
09-25-2013

Pinball & Scrambled Words

My pinball machine brain
is pinging off invisible obstacles
Scoring points that are impossible
And in the chaos
The words that I NEED to write
Are scrambled
Relocating.
Every time the silver ball pings
On invisible obstacles.
How can a writer write
with pinging in the brain
and scrambled words?

B.J.H.
09-22-2013

14 Days

Two weeks into Lithium

I still feel some pain

I feel the  lack of me

I cannot find my words

I cannot find the colors in my head

Lithium haze

I want to be me again

I lost Clyde a month ago

Lithium came 14 days ago

Lithium calms Bonniestormcloud

but Steals her words

It’s time to take my Lithium

 

b.j.h.

I Just Breathe

 

I Just Breathe

I read the words

Panic surge

Breathe

Feeling queasy

Painful chest

Breathe

Hot tears

Drop on jeans

Assume the worst

Breathe girl breathe

Composure

Look in the mirror

Dark circles

Should have slept last night

Walk out the door

Breathing

~~~~~~~

5-7-2012

Bonnie Jean Higgins

~~~~~~

Overreaction on my part