The Strongest Person You Know….

She is the strongest person you know

She handles lifes difficulty with ease or so it seems.  Do you know what happens behind the scenes?

The doubt, the fear, the need ,the neglect. (She hasn’t showered in a week)

Her whole being is wrapped up in a beautiful blue eyed package. (Who always cries and never sleeps)

Her Autistic child, her life blood, her  offspring, her joy, her prison. Her legacy!

His milestones are brilliant to her,( he spoke again, he repeated, he copied,), mundane to the masses (he parrots,  he copies, no words are his), life shaking, heart breaking (he said Mommy is beautiful), leaps and bounds ahead of his disabled peers. (He doesn’t understand I love you)

Yet here she is, in tears, wanting, waiting, missing the life she had beyond the life her third child brought her into.

She blames herself, shames herself, berates herself for his affliction.

Fights for him, cries for him, is an advocate for his condition.

She has given up her friends, her job, her connections only to be his everything.

She is the strongest person you know. The mom who gives up herself for the advancement of her child.

This woman had goals, and dreams,  and a story; but gave it all up for her blue eyed boy.

 

 

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Her Orchestra

Her Orchestra

I see her at night alone in her bed
She conducts the orchestra inside her head
She sings to the walls that surround her room
Se sheds tears that feed the gloom
So enchanted with her music
So lost in her dreams
She denies her sadness
Yet I can feel her screams
The girl I see has dimpled cheeks
And the tears they fill them as she weeps
Even as she cries her hands sweep the air
The orchestra is still there
In her vacant stare

Bonnie Jean Higgins  2005